The catwalk, Lady Di, Jennifer Hawkins, waifs and Sean Connery. Oh and the ‘f’ word and ‘c’ bomb.

Something has mystified me for a long, long time. Well many things have – why do unattractive women have tattoos? Do they think it makes them more attractive? Tip. No. And women who wear mini skirts and shouldn’t make me scratch my head. Hoons that they think they can drive like Schumacher or Brock but in reality are more like Noddy and Big Ears on Ritalin. Only Mr Goodyear appreciates their driving.

No, the main question is this; why do catwalk models and their minders seem to think that these waifs are a) attractive and b) intelligent.

I ask because of this insightful observation and please correct me if I am wrong.

Women dress to make themselves attractive yes? By general definition then – and I accept this could be a little mass narcissistic – this would be to be attractive to men primarily, a primeval thing and secondly, also primeval, to be more attractive than the next girl. I say primeval as going back through the ages, if a woman didn’t have a man to protect her as he was bigger and stronger to fight off polar bears and giant killer guinea pigs, life tended to be rather short and of course, the gene pool couldn’t be carried on (see I can be delicate if I want!)

Going back to the catwalk models then, I don’t personally know of any male that does find these women attractive. Let me check with a quick ring around. Nope, not one.

A woman can exude enough sex appeal to make the most hardened bloke slobber and dribble just by the simple act of walking. I’ve seen men collapse at the knees and chew gravel when a particularly attractive woman just turned and smiled. Princess Di was especially good at this.

But catwalk models simply stomp up and down like some demented horse with only two legs, looking utterly vacuous and as if their bones would snap at the slightest trip. And so much Botox they probably can’t smile.

I know the argument that the clothes are the show, not the girls, but if that was the case, they could just use a manikin and push it up and down, or these days, there is enough robot technology to automate such a thing. Having said that, these girls seem like robots; no personality, charisma or charm whatsoever. Maybe they ARE robots after all?

And here’s another thing.

Contrary to popular belief, especially by the younger set, attractiveness doesn’t necessarily mean crassness, no undies in public, over-the-top-language or sheer plain tartiness. Not in the long term anyway. I was on a train to Perth the other week – no really I was – and an attractive young lady, probably 17 or 18 was on the phone to a girlfriend talking about her “boyfriend”. I swear the paint was peeling. She knew words I had never heard!

“Yes he’s a c—, but he’s a good f—.” And apparently, he has a nice car.  That was all that was important it seemed. His supposed other attributes were too graphic to be mentioned here. We are a family show after all.

She was so shallow there should be a warning sign attached to her not to dive in.

Such a shame.  All that time to make herself look attractive, and all that money to buy the nice clothes and shoes, makeup and so on, and she blows it all by opening her mouth.

Trust me girls, it is not attractive.

Here’s a tip. The blokes like it when the time to BE one of the boys is right. At the footy. At the V8s. Most sporting events in fact. We like the fact you can kick a footy, drive a fast car and know the cricket average of The Don. Just as you like we will protect, do the heavy work and pick up the dog poo.

But by the same token, and this I am sure many will see as sexist, we still like to think – and show to our mates  and the public in general – that our girlfriend, partner whatever name you attach in this enlightened age is a “cracker” and is the object of envy as are we.

For the long haul, we much prefer a Lady Di type than an Amy Winehouse, Jennifer Hawkins as against a Britney Spears. After all, WE think we are Roger Moore, Sean Connery or Craig Daniels.

Have you read Puberty Blues lately?